“Are You Ready?” Staying Open to Being Guided on the Journey to Consciousness

One of the first experiences on my healing journey was being introduced to meditation.

Back in 2002, my aunt gifted me a weekend meditation event with Gurumayi Chidvilasananda. I had never done anything like it and was completely skeptical.

I grew up Catholic and was still carrying a lot of “Catholic guilt” around exploring anything outside of what I had been taught. But I trusted my aunt, who was also my godmother, to guide me. I’m forever grateful that I did.

Looking back, I had no idea that weekend would become such an important part of my journey to consciousness.

I showed up at this huge auditorium at the Masonic Center in San Francisco with hundreds of people and took a seat beside my aunt.

Onstage was a large chair where Gurumayi would sit throughout the event. She wore a saree and sat comfortably cross-legged in this big chair. There was a calmness, confidence, and clarity about her that I had never experienced before. When she spoke, she drew you in with every intentional word.

THIS WAS ALL NEW TO ME

Throughout the day there were talks, chanting, guided meditation, and ceremonies.

None of this was familiar to me.

I stayed open even when parts of it made me uncomfortable. At times, I would look around and see people who seemed almost euphoric during the chanting and meditation. Some people's heads were moving rapidly back and forth, which honestly kind of freaked me out.

My 23-year-old self had absolutely no framework for what I was seeing or experiencing.

My aunt helped me navigate that first day.

The second day, though, I was on my own because she couldn't make it.

Toward the end of the event, a woman approached me and asked if I would like to participate in the “Waving of the Lights” ceremony in front of Gurumayi.

I had absolutely no idea what that meant.

But I said yes.

ARE YOU READY?

I met up with about seven other women backstage. They dressed me in a white saree, put fresh flowers in my hair, and handed me a silver tray with a lit candle, flowers, turmeric, and a few other things.

It felt incredibly sacred.

I remember feeling honored that somehow, out of hundreds of people there, I had been invited to participate.

The other women and I sat in the center aisle waiting for Gurumayi.

Usually she entered from behind the stage.

This time, she entered from the back of the auditorium.

We stood as she slowly walked up the center aisle. Then she came directly toward me, stopped, looked me in the eyes and said:

“Are you ready?”

I was so flustered that I barely remember what I said. I think I said yes.

She continued toward the stage and took her seat.

We performed the Waving of the Lights ceremony, moving the trays in a circular motion while the entire auditorium sang one of my favorite chants from the weekend.

At the end, we each bowed before her and returned backstage. I changed back into my clothes, and they gave me the flower and candle from my tray.

I still have them.

SOMETHING FELT DIFFERENT

When I left the event, my body was shaking.

There was an energy moving through me unlike anything I had ever experienced.

I called my aunt and tried to explain what was happening. She told me that, from her understanding, it sounded like I had experienced Shaktipat — a concept within certain yogic traditions describing an awakening or transmission of spiritual energy.

Whatever was happening, my experience over the next couple of weeks was extraordinary.

I felt euphoric.

Everything seemed connected.

I felt an overwhelming sense of love toward the people and world around me, but especially when I was in nature.

When leaves rustled or a wave crashed at the beach, I would sometimes feel this intense vibrational sensation travel up and down my spine.

Walking around the UCSB campus, I remember looking at buildings and feeling as though I could perceive everything vibrating.

Strangely, none of it frightened me.

I felt incredibly grounded.

And then, naturally, I tried explaining it to everyone. 😂

The more I tried to describe this completely indescribable experience to friends who had absolutely no idea what I was talking about, the more the feeling seemed to fade.

My aunt finally told me:

Stop telling everyone about it. Just enjoy the experience.

So I did.

FOLLOWING THE THREAD

I continued meditating and listening to the chants.

Sometimes the sensations would disappear for weeks, and then I'd be standing at the beach when a wave would crash and suddenly that familiar energy would move through my spine again.

I felt as though something had opened a door for me.

I wanted to understand more.

I wanted to go deeper.

That began a much longer journey of becoming aware of my own inner landscape.

And something interesting kept happening along the way.

Years later, someone completely outside of those spiritual circles suggested that I explore massage as a profession — another story for another post.

When I found the school I eventually attended, something about being there felt strangely familiar.

I later discovered that the owner was also a devotee of Gurumayi.

Then, when I eventually chose the studio where I would do my yoga teacher training, I felt that same familiarity.

Sure enough, that studio's owner was also connected to Gurumayi's teachings.

I couldn't have planned any of it.

Whether you call those experiences synchronicity, intuition, coincidence, spiritual guidance, or something else entirely, they have felt like little threads running through my life.

And whenever one appears, I think back to that 23-year-old version of myself sitting in an auditorium with absolutely no idea what she was getting herself into.

And I can almost hear Gurumayi asking me again:

“Are you ready?”